I feel I am addicted to the urge to find something to get addicted. It is like this never-ending quest to find the ultimate addiction. If my close family reads this, they may feel a bit let down but I was addicted and I wanted to know every vice on this planet. The interesting part about the constant search is I would come out of addictions with relatively no after affect. The only reason I can attribute to the ease with which I can come out of it other than the apparent reason of my will power is the reverse order of my addictions. Some may say I was never addicted but I know better about myself than any other mortal on this planet.Let me chronicle what all I have been addicted to till now. The first addiction I can recollect is my need to torture; I would torch an entire anthill. Then it turned to the addiction to get into fights, anything I touch would bruise. As I grew, it went into substance abuse (non-alcoholic). This moved onto girls in the later stages of my teenage life. When a girl started spreading rumor of having my baby and suspecting it might eventually happen I stopped. Probably that was the turning point and moved me to another of my addictions, liquor. Man I have guzzled so many bottles that I am still struggling to get the concentrate semi liquid collection off my belly! This stopped around the time I found true love in my Bambi whom I eventually married. I am addicted to the need to love her. For the past few months, I feel I am slowly succumbing to my need to be addicted to something new. It started of as a very innocuous research for my future study plans. I started doing a lot of research on the internet. Now hooked like a fish on bait, I am going down the path I have taken so many times again, addicted to internet.
I feel like I am losing my head. This is the first time I have had more then one strong addiction in parallel. I feel ripped apart in three ways. One says stick with your girlfriend (I prefer to call my wife my girlfriend); the other says I need net more than anything. There is one other self of mine which is saying boy break out of this vicious cycle, get out of the need to be addicted if you need to go on to make something of your life. Let me end this by a poem (poet unknown) I came across,
Behind now stretches the fertile fields of known
Tested and sure
Great piles of textured memories
Dripping with love, passion and pain
Fear, want and need: starts and finishes
Safe haven barely understood
Evil thoughts grown from holy desires
Death and destruction
When I stare ahead
From the now
Life stretches across the dark abyss
To the setting sun
Highlighted with maybes
Addiction
